Hello all

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Hello all

Postby AshleyA85 on Tue Oct 15, 2013 8:22 am

Hello everyone,

I have been married to a gamer for 9 years. We were high school sweethearts and got married at 18. We knew very little about our own home habits and flaws when we married. I found that when we moved to from Texas to Florida (he is in the Marine Corps) I became aware that he gamed an excessive amount. I became pregnant with our daughter a few months after we moved and spent most of my pregnancy alone as he went from work to playing games, sometimes until he had to be leaving for work. This has been an ongoing battle. I am now pregnant with our second child and he's reverted back to being on the computer at all hours of the night. I go to bed alone and wake up alone every night. Our daughter has to nag to get playtime with him. I don't know what else to do. I literally want to throw the computer over the balcony and light the sucker on fire for good measure. Are there any stories of people who get through this? I feel like I'm looking at the end of my marriage and over GAMES! I could really use some encouragement! Thank you!
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Re: Hello all

Postby laroo on Wed Oct 16, 2013 10:43 am

Hi Ashley,

I wish I could tell you it gets better. Sometimes it does! Sometimes it doesn't seem to work out at all. It really does depend on the two of you and your circumstances.

You've been together a long time. When relationships grow, occasionally they may need a spark or two to bring them back to life. I know mine did. If the problem hasn't grown so far out of hand that there's no way to regain the closeness you once had, then it's important to address the underlying causes. In my case, my gamer wife and I had a lot of issues to resolve. We're still working on it.

Gaming, for her, was an escape that almost drove us apart completely. I had to come to terms with that. Not easy, especially when you're in the middle of it (she's quit playing, used to play 40-60 hours/week). At that time I was done, ready to walk out if it weren't for the family. It's taken years for us to get as far as we have. Life is still far from perfect - but it has gotten much, much better. At least I don't have to feel like I'm the distant second choice to a guild.

This board is not as active as it once was, but there are a few of us around, Ashley. Feel free to vent, or scream, or pound the keyboard at us. We few who are here have probably all done that at some point and I know from experience that it helps to share those moments with folks who've been there.

Whatever the future holds, we'l be here. Hang in there Ashley!
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Re: Hello all

Postby ginabean on Wed Oct 16, 2013 4:50 pm

Hey Ashley

Welcome. I unserstand the frustration, been there and am still there, but things seem to have improved slightly. It's really sad when someone isolates themselves from the world and lives in a little bubble that excludes their loved ones. I don't think there's a simple solution here, but he's going to have to make some choices - he's missing out on so much that's precious because he's inhabiting a different world. Do you have some family support, girlfriends you can vent to? Are you carrying the entire burden of the housework and looking after your little one? Are you getting enough downtime to look after yourself?
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Re: Hello all

Postby AshleyA85 on Wed Oct 16, 2013 5:28 pm

Honestly I'm on strike right now. I'm doing what I have to to make sure that my daughter and I are fed at night but I'm so deep into depression right now that I literally cannot find the drive to get up and do anything. On top of being 19 weeks pregnant which has caused some serious exhaustion. My daughter is 7 so after we've hung out and she's doing her reading for school I feel like all I have is downtime. We have tried to do date nights but even after we get home from dinner he runs to that computer. It makes me feel like he has been WAITING to do what he would really like to be doing on a Thursday night. I've heard every single excuse in the book: I'm stressed, Its something I do for fun, I didn't realize it made you so upset (really? Because we've had this SAME argument over the last 9 years), it's the only way I get to talk to my brother (who has an even DEEPER addiction than my husband and no family to bother him about spending time away from the computer).

I have very little support here. I am a military wife so it's hard to find people in a new place that aren't deep in gaming addiction themselves or that can truly understand how it makes you feel. I've gotten many times the whole "at least it's not drugs, gambling, porn, etc." Well it hurts just like those addictions do. I honestly feel like if I had known that this is what I was in for when we got married, I would never have walked down the aisle. It's taking everything I have to not do physical harm to his computer. I have very vivid fantasies about throwing off the three story balcony, collecting all the pieces and lighting them on fire for good measure. Of course I won't do that but LORD it would feel good to. I've removed myself from the bed room. I refuse to lay in our marital bed alone while he sits up doing God knows what on the computer. He woke me up 6 times last night because HE felt guilty that I'm pregnant and on the couch. He said he was going to get his pillows and sleep on the floor beside the couch if I didn't get into bed. Heaven forbid that he have to sleep in bed alone. I stole the power cord to his computer and he got so angry he disconnected the internet and has given me the cold shoulder at the house. He keeps trying to have text conversations but I refuse to have a conversation with him over texts. Sorry if this is a long ramble and jumpy, I am just still incredibly angry.
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Re: Hello all

Postby laroo on Thu Oct 17, 2013 12:01 pm

On strike! I remember those days so well. Honestly, they weren't all that long ago.

Reading what you're going through brought me right back. I was exactly where you are not so long ago. Damn, it's uncanny how closely this addiction mirrors itself in people's lives. I'm sorry you have to go through this alone, Ashley. In any case, please feel free to vent here, and know that you are not alone in this, though it may feel that way. There are others who've been through it, are going through it still.

For us gamer widows, there's a limited access part of this site called Widower's Alley. You will need to speak with an admin to get access to those threads, but it's more private because of that. If you'd like to post over there you'll just need to send a quick message to Psykiblue, the moderator. Just a little more privacy for those of us who want or need it.

Also, had to share this because I know the feeling well. One of the most satisfying moments confronting this problem was the evening where I told her, "You've got 10 seconds to say goodbye to your friends." Then I counted to 10, pulled the plug on the modem and took the power cord. Boy did we fight that night, but damn it felt good to do that. :rofl
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Re: Hello all

Postby ginabean on Tue Oct 22, 2013 7:53 pm

He Ashley, how has the week been treating you...
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