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Christmas Day, at my sister's house, I kept my preconceived expectations to myself, and my disappointment hidden. Now that I am at home I can cry all I want. My mom has gone to bed early.

It was difficult to watch as I saw my niece finally become, at age 13, just like her slob brothers. My niece & nephews are lost to me, and I wasn't allowed to make any comments. My mom would only cry and ask me why I was upsetting her if I told her what I really thought.

Bad, my brother-in-law sweet-talked my mom into buying 3 copies of the latest popular PC game (so each child could have their own game.)

Badder, my brother-in-law has moved a PC into my niece's room so that she can game whenever she wants.

Baddest, my niece has morphed into her worst - slob brother. I was shocked: my niece had been up all gaming online, came down stairs this morning wearing her pj's. She didn't want to change out of her pj's, but wear them all day. She hadn't bathed, hadn't washed her hair, nor brushed her teeth. Monday, my niece had had to go to the dentest to get 10 cavities filled. And, tonight, as my niece was leaving the dinning room table, she bleched loudly and longly in front of all of us.

I hadn't expected any gifts from my sister for Christmas. She gave me gifts of underarm deordorant and hair shampoo. I was shocked, again. Who gives this as a Christmas gift? Then, I asked my sister if I could give these items to my niece to use that very morning. My sister said "No, she already has some." And the rest of the day my sister was "miffed" with me.

Again, I brought DVD's for the kids to watch with me. And, again, one nephew went to the basement "anti-social" room, went in, locked the door away to electronic online exile. Another of my nephews went online gaming in another part of the basement (the lesser anti-social section,) and my niece played her new X-box game on the large screen tv in the living room.

Thankfully, I brought a book to read so that I could at least enjoy something that wasn't electronic.

OK, so, much for my family who says they want to see me. I have developed a new "family" of people who share the same interests as I do. And, I am very thankful I bought a gift for myself this year, something I really wanted and love. It was paid for by artwork I sold just before Christmas. And, I don't worry about what my sister and family do, say or think. When they move away, I will wave big bye-bye!

As sad as it is, you can't do much to prevent your nieces/nephews from playing, and nor does it sound like your sister/family wants any solutions.

However the kids aren't being anti-social, unless they are exhibiting sociopatheic, malicious tendencies. They are however being a-social. Which is basically shying away from interactions with others. Besides gaming, what could be reasons for their behaviour?

How are they treated at school? How are they treated by their parents? Perhaps they are hoping if they act out enough they'll get attention that they want from them? But its the wrong kind of attention.

It seems like there are a lot of underlying factors for this, but who knows maybe one or two of them will grow out of it and help their siblings grow out of it too.

It sucks you have to be put through that though, maybe next family get together you can refuse to go, or make an excuse saying something came up. You obviously don't want to be in the situation, maybe next time just be out of it all together.

Psykiblue, Thank you for your comments & opinions. Gives me pause for thought: "a-social" instead of "anti-social." There's what I want to figure out, too.

Yes, as you have suggested, now that Christmas is over, I don't have any real good reason for visiting my sister's house. Instead, I have some new art projects I must pursue. A company asked for my design ideas, photos, etc., (yes, I copyright everything before I share it with others, especially company ceo's.) I sold two pieces of artwork just before Christmas, and now customers want more, more, more.

It was always the same scenario, in the past, whenever I visited my sister's house: I watch the kids, walk the dogs, clean the house, make meals, buy groceries, etc., and lastly, 3 years ago - I realized my sister loved me most when I followed 6 paces behind her. All I was allowed to do was sit, observe, and don't make any comments, complaints, etc., as I might disturb my sister. Four years ago, I got inbetween her and one of my nephews as my sister was about to beat him up over a tiny disagreement. Instead, my sister beat me. Later, I told her husband that next time I will call the cops. My sister knows I don't joke about that and hasn't done that abusive behavior when I'm there. And when my sister, and/or her children visit my mom's house (where I live,) they act different.

My sister complained to me about 2 1/2 years ago, that she hated all the rules, housework, social-must-do's when we were growing up. Instead, she told me she likes her life with her family the way it is.

At the very least, if someday in the future, I can afford to buy and run my own house, I get to run it the way I want. It will be a sad event to ask my sister, and family, to leave my house, but it will be my house and I can throw them out, and put all the limits/restrictions/rules if they want to stay & behave like humans. And if her kids want to stay & live with me - they got to get jobs & do work around the house. No pay/no stay.

Wait...
she hits her kids? Is abusive?
Could that be one reason the kids retreat into a game? Can't get yelled at if you're not in the way.


Also that's awesome about you selling your artwork, you'll have to share with us some pictures of it if you feel comfortable doing so.


re: your house. Exactly

My, oh my. My sympathies for your Christmas experience, and let me say that I wish you the best of luck with your artwork and career in the future!

Sadly, I suffered from a similar sort of asocial tendency at 14. While my parents never hit me, I believe I suffered from depression or some other social disorder that left me absorbed in a game world constantly. It fulfilled a social need, pure and simple. I had the same problems of not being able to take care of myself, but I did keep and hold down a job so I guess it couldn't have gotten to terrible. I worked from 14 onward. But now, I have no interests, no hobbies, and I struggle to find anything to do besides game. Although now it's more like a ghost haunting me rather than a withdraw. It leaves me very bored though.... very bored.

Anyway, there is really nothing you can do to help the kids except try to interest them in something else. I mean, art for one could spark an interest in one of them maybe. Just an idea. Fortunately, for kids that young they still have a tendency to come out of it a little easier than a 30 year old man who does pay for his own house and makes his own rules and just decides to neglect his wife. That being said, kids also have a really open mind to new things. It's just an idea to try and find something (anything?) that might interest them and lure them away from the games. Other than that, they aren't your children and sadly nothing you can do about it.

Lastly, let me just say that if I ever saw one of my siblings striking their own child over anything (save spanking, which can be disciplinary but that is different from "striking"), I would certainly call the police over that. I love my siblings, but I won't stand for a supposed member of my family striking any child. Period. That decision is yours to make. Anyway, best of luck and I hope something can save those kids before it's too late. I'm 25 and still trying to deal with my gaming... it plagues me constantly (I've played games for 11 years, although these days not so much maybe ~5 hours a week... I finally truly achieved moderation, yay! but the ghost of relapse is always there...).

You are right, kids are more flexible and will change with new interests as they grow up. Certainly, they aren't connaissures (spelling?) at that age, and still live under parent's roof.

My oldest nephew has hit my niece when he gets annoyed with her. My mom & I have told him to stop it. My sister asked me why he does that? I told her: you have beat him (beyond a spanking,) and he slaps, hits his younger sister to get back at YOU.

If, my sister, ever beats me up again, and tries to throw me down two flights of stairs, I warned my brother-in-law, and my mom, that I will get my bruises photographed. That way, we go before the judge in court, I will ask the judge to give my sister a good spanking while I videotape it. Then, in future, I will play the video at family reunions. Stops a family secret by public exposure.

First week of January, I go back into psychotherapy again, and I will discuss with my therapist & Shrink about what is happening with my family.

You will see my artwork, here, when I figure out how to upload an image to a website, etc. I am a "technotard" and I am still learning how to use my digital camera. Funny, everytime I ask my family members to help me do this they look at me like I am an alien from another planet.

You can see my artwork at this website: http://www.muttart.com And, I am already working on a new dog portrait of an Airedale.

Thanks for all your comments and feedback. I want to read more about other peoples' experiences and comments, then post myself for a while.

Dodged getting "wool pulled over my eye." Thanks, the therapy sessions are helping me!

My sister, her husband, and their daughter are going to Florida for the weekend. My middle nephew was said to be going on the trip south as well. Then, come to find out today, he won't be going with the folks and his sister. Seems he is going to stay home all weekend-long online gaming, of course.

My mother was planning a nice weekend for her & me to do some light shopping around town, get lunch here, maybe dinner there, etc., while watching my sister's house and the dogs. My oldest nephew has a part-time job that keeps him busy, part of the time. Now, we are told my middle nephew will be home, yet my Mom & I were expected to walk, feed, etc., the dogs, clean-up the house, provide meals and take care of my nephews, especially the middle one, as he will have his friends over, and of course, he will be busy for all hours gaming online and can't be bothered to take time for anything else.

I put my foot down, and told my Mom, I was not going over to my sister's house at all! Her children were old enough now to take care of the dogs, clean, or not clearn, the house, make their own meals, etc. If my sister and her husband don't have a problem with their children being ASOCIAL, let them bear all. I say: well, excuse me, but I have my own life now, and my patrons are wondering where their artwork is?! Yes, I hate the way my sister, her husband and children treat my Mom like a slave. I've told her so, and told her she deserves a better new family that appreaciates her.

Sorry, had to vent. Yes, count down 'til my sister and her family MOVE AWAY.

Follow-Up: My therapy sessions have made me work hard, and paid off this week!

I finally put my foot down with my Sister, and my mother. My mother & I were going to my sister's house, to pick up my oldest nephew and take him to work. In the car, my mother said she would have to wake up my nephew (it was nearly 2pm!) have him get dressed, take him by fastfood drivethru, and get him to work on time. Could I walk my sister's dogs (pick-up dog-poop,) etc.?

Couldn't help myself, I exploded at my mom, and when I asked her how old my nephew was, she told me he was twenty now. I explained to my mom that her grandson worked part-time as a veteranarian's assistant, yet he won't walk, clean up after, feed, take care of the dogs that live in his own house! Why should I be doing HIS job at home when all he does is stay up all night, gaming on his laptop, sleeps until noon?

I told my mom that that wasn't my job in life, I have my own dog to take care of, my own life now, but if she decided to do it, that was HER choice. And, I didn't want to talk about her grandchild's problems, and whatever she decided was up to HER. I am done with taking the burden, and fall-out, from my sister's family, and I am also refusing to take on any guilt or ownership of burdens from my mom.

This is my way of saying to all of you that I am moving on . . . , to new friendships, new professional relationships with those who buy my artwork. My life is so much better now. Thank you all!

I want to applaud you for not putting up with this behavior! Gaming is one thing, laziness is another! I'll admit that my room isn't in tip-top shape, but I've never expected anyone else to clean it for me! This is one of the main reasons that I'm looking to move out because I live with roommates, but it seems like they're too busy doing whatever to take care of house work and since I'm not the only grown person in this house, I'm not doing it all myself! Forget that!

As for your sister assaulting you and your nephew, I would've called the police right then and there. There's some things I just won't let slide. Well, actually, I've studied some karate, taekwondo, and a bit of wrestling... I would've called the police after sending a very detailed message about anger management and choosing a victim that's not well versed in self defense!